Mrs. Swan's Three Unfortunate Suitors
Faith and Love go hand in hand
One day Mrs. Swan visited a friend, Ms. Magpie, who’s husband had recently died. She talked after the funeral with the new widow, and a mutual friend, Ms. Goose. They talked and reminisced about many things, and soon their conversation turned to the subject of husbands and marriage.
“I could talk a great deal about my husband,” said Mrs. Magpie, “Even now as he is buried I must have some guard at his grave to see if his death isn’t some ruse. He was always galavanting around, taking his time hunting and drinking. It is a miracle that he hadn’t taken a second wife with the time he spent away from me.”
“My dear, you must not talk like that,” Mrs. Swan shook her head, “You must trust that he was faithful, especially now that he is dead.”
“You are one talk about having faithfulness Mrs. Swan.” Ms. Goose chuckled a little, “As your husband seems all too trusting to let you travel on your own, what with so many others coveting you. If I had a husband that was as eyed as you, I’d have a guard watching his every move to ensure his faithfulness.”
“Whatever do you mean Ms. Goose.” Mrs. Swan blinked in confusion.
“You mean you haven’t heard the rumors? Your three neighbors in the country, Mr. Thrush, Mr. Jay and Lord Owl are all smitten with you. Quite waiting for your husband to shuffle off this mortal coil so they can court you as suitors. I would have thought that you would have noticed by now.”
“No, I had not realized that I had such an effect on my neighbors. How dreadful to think of it. Whatever shall I do?”
“I would think nothing of it dear,” Mrs. Magpie comforted her friend. “At the moment, you can enjoy your husband, and as ages pass when you grow tired of him, one might find your neighbors much more exciting. Well now let us have some lunch, I am dreadfully famished..”
Now Mrs. Swan was bothered a great deal by her friend’s conversation, and she kept mulling it over and over as she traveled home. The dreadful news about her neighbors troubled her so much that she had abstained from dinner and went straight to bed. Her maid, Ms.Finch, noticed this and knew that her mistress was in distress.
“My Mistress Swan, if it is not too impertinent, may I ask what troubles you?”
“Oh dear Ms. Finch, I have been told that I am being coveted by my neighbors. How unfortunate. I fear telling my husband such news, as he may think me unfaithful.”
“But why Mistress Swan? You have always been a good and faithful wife. Just tell Master Swan and he’ll be on those lechers faster than a jackrabbit.”
“Oh but what if I tell him, and he thinks that I have done something to attract them, or what if I have done something to attract them, and shall do it again and again.” Mrs. Swan dove into her pillows and cried, inconsolable.
Ms. Finch was quite distressed by what had become of her mistress and wondered what she could do to resolve this problem. She had not the slightest idea, as she was not versed in the subject of marriage, being unmarried herself.She resolved to tell Mr. Swan of this, as she was sure that he would understand the problem, and resolve it quickly.
After she had told her master of Mrs. Swan’s distress, he showed no sign of anger or sorrow. What Mr. Swan did was laugh, surprising Ms. Finch. He explained to her that he had no doubts that Mrs. Swan was as faithful to him as they day he married her, but in ordered to assuage her own doubts, Mr. Swan created a plan that would solve everything.
A few days later while she was visiting a friend, Mrs. Swan heard that her husband was gravely ill and was close to death. She went as fast as she could to see her husband in his last moments, but it was all in vain. When she arrived, Mr. Swan was dead. She grieved greatly, and Ms. Finch, in order to help her quickly put together a funeral, with letters being sent out by the morning. By the time Mrs. Swan could compose herself and protest anything, the funeral preparations were already underway
.Within the next day, the funeral was done and many came to pay their respects to the newly widowed Mrs. Swan, including her three neighbors. They made no effort to hide their intentions to marry the widowed Mrs. Swan, and they lingered until the end of the funeral. Mrs. Swan sent Ms. Finch to send them away, but Ms. Finch said that they each desired to give their condolences in private. But before she could do so, a fourth figure appeared, with a traveling cloak and walking stick. No one knew this stranger, but he too wished to give his condolences to the widowed Mrs. Swan, but everyone suspected that he was also aiming to win the heart of the new widow. To grief stricken to argue, Mrs. Swan allowed them all to stay and talk.
The first of these suitors was Mr. Sparrow, small and quite wealthy. He was confident that he could win the heart of the Mrs. Swan
“Greetings Mrs. Swan, my condolences on your husband’s death. The most unfortunate circumstances. I have no doubt that your husband left a sizable will, but if you find yourself in need of substantial material accommodations, I would be more than happy to make a suitable and beneficial contract between us.
“You are quite generous Mr. Sparrow,” Mrs. Swan smiled graciously, “But I am afraid that I will remain faithful to my husband. My love has no price.”
And with that Mr. Sparrow left the room with no prospect of marriage and brooded in the parlor.
This rejection emboldened the next suitor, Mr.Jay, who preened himself in the parlor mirror before entering to speak with Mrs. Swan.
“My dear Mrs. Swan, I am terribly sorry for the death of your late husband,” Mr. Jay produced a flower with a flourish and presented it to Mrs. Swan, “May you not be cut as short as your husband. With this flower I would implore you to think about things as youth and beauty and how they fade. As the poet says "gather ye rosebuds while ye may.”
Mrs. Swam accepted the flower and placed it on her husband’s closed casket. “I thank you for your condolences and your gift, flowers are remembered fondly for their beauty even after they fade. Will you remember my beauty when it fades I wonder. But even as my beauty may fade, the love I have for my husband does not, for as the poetess says, “That when we live no more, we may live ever.” And so I bid you adieu.”
And with that Mr. Jay left the room with no prospect of marriage and sulked in the parlor.
The next suitor was Lord Owl, who was of great political prospect, being of land and noble lineage. He was confident that no other could win the heart of Mrs. Swan, as he had been married three times before, and he knew what was desirable in a marriage.
“Mrs. Swan, I must give my deepest condolences, yes, a terrible thing to happen. I’ll have you know that I survived my three previous marriages so I know what you must be going through. Yes, it is quite unfortunate. I do not doubt that your husband left you in a good position in his will, yes. But all that seems quite distressing for such a young widow. Would it not be better to have someone managing your affairs and keeping you from being snatched by rogues and various other ne'er do wells, yes?
Mrs. Swan smiled courteously at Lord Owl, nodding as he spoke. “Lord Owl, you are most certainly magnanimous, but I am not bothered by managing my house nor by the roguish machinations of others. I can stand firm by my husband and the love I have for him, as I still do love him. You of all people would know of a wife’s love for her husband, as you have been married three times, yes?”
And with that Lord Owl left the room with no prospect of marriage and grumbled to himself in the parlor.
Finally the last suitor, the mysterious stranger entered to speak with Mrs. Swan. But before he could say anything Mrs. Swan spoke.
“My kind sir, you are not a guest I recognize and yet you have come to comfort me in my grief. I would like to thank you for your kindness but I do not know your name. Pray, tell me your name.”
The stranger smiled and said, “I can not give my name yet, as I must first give my condolences. You see, your husband was a dear friend of mine and he told me that I was the only man that he would desire to marry his widow, should he die suddenly. I am here to ask your hand in marriage. I promise to be everything that your husband was and more.”
Taken aback by the strangers words, Mrs. Swan thought for a second. “These words…is it true that you are selected to be the successor to my husband?”
“It is true my lady, in both word and deed.”
“So you are everything my husband was and more?”
“Everything and more.”
“Then…I must…still choose to reject you. Even if you are as you say, twice as my husband was, I cannot betray my husband. I am sorry but you must go.”
But as she rejected the stranger, something wondrous happened, his cloak fell away in a flourish and as if by magic, Mrs. Swan recognized the stranger as her husband instantly. She fell to her knees in surprise, but before she could speak, Mr. Swan sprang into action. Flyin out the room, Mr. Swan took his walking stick and fell upon Mrs. Swan's three unfortunate suitors, striking them and sending them flying from the house. Soon all that was left was Mrs. Swan and her husband, seemingly returned from the dead.
“Now my dear wife, I have something for you.” And Mr. Swan took his walking stick and lightly tapped her cheek. “As I have struck the covetous neighbors for their wicked thoughts, so I strike you, so that you might leave behind all the wicked thoughts that you have thought of. May you no longer have doubts, and may all fear leave you.”
And with that Mrs. Swan realized that her husband had faked his death with Ms. Finch, so as to teach her and her neighbors a lesson. She and her husband then left to turn the funeral feast into a new wedding feast. And as for the three would be suitors, they never bothered Mrs. Swan again, and they could never leave behind the shame and embarrassment that Mr. Swan had inflicted upon them. And so Mr. and Mrs. Swan remained faithfully married until the end of both their days.
The End.
I hope you enjoyed this little retelling of Mrs. Fox’s Wedding, with a little bit of the Judgement of Paris.